2002-11-12 - 11:59 p.m.

I think my life should have a soundtrack. I swear. Every time something happens, I'm either listening to a song or thinking of one that just fits the situation. I am just beginning to realize how important music is in my life. I really don't think that you could ever get the full effect of my journal if you aren't listening to what I'm listening to at the moment that I'm writing it. Whatever I'm listening to determines what I write about. So...if you happen to have "Mexico" by Incubus available, you should listen to it as you read this. Mine's on repeat.

Today I was telling my mom how things would be so much easier if I just didn't care about anything. Sometimes, I just want to be like everyone else. I wish I could know what it's like to really not care about something. For some reason I'm cursed (or blessed, depending on which way you look at it) to have this really really big thing called a heart that I just can't get away from. There are times that I just want to tell all the people who make me sad to just fuck off--but I could never do that.

Do you ever feel like everyone is just screwing you over, but when you think about it, it's only one or two people? Maybe it's just me. Probably. You know, there really is a point to me rambling on about all of this. Will I get to it is the question. The answer is probably not. It's kinda cool to write about things and have everyone be completely lost because they really don't know what you're talking about and if you're talking about them or not. Am I talking about you? Scary isn't it?

I'm waiting on sleep to come. I think it found me. It found me a few weeks ago, but I've been in hiding. I don't know what's going on. I don't even know how I've managed to live off of no more than 4 hours of sleep every night for the past 3 weeks. Speaking of waiting on sleep, I'm waiting on a few other things too. Maybe it's just not the right time though. Maybe I'll just keep waiting and waiting, or maybe I'll find something else. Who knows?

Well...I'm going to get on this train to Mexico. See, you would know what I'm talking about if you were listening to the song like I said to do :)

I miss all of you guys who are reading this. I especially miss my old friends. Even if it was a really melodramatic group. I miss Paul, Adam, Emma, Milton, Kyle, Justin, Alex, Brian, and...Candi. I can type all of that because I know those people don't even read my journals anyways.

Goodnight lovelies.

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